Staring out the sliding glass door, while mist starts forming on it, thoughts starts flashing like a movie at the back of her mind. In a week, she lost her job, her love, her desire to continue any further of what intended. She quitted after finishing the last event of the year, hoping to go on a holiday with her love and maybe settling down. But things didn’t work the way it planned. Wondering how can words can connect so easily in his mouth like it was meant to be. Wondering how swiftly he can pack all his stuff and walked out of the house like it didn’t mattered. Wondering what’s not of her to satisfy and what’s of the other to satisfy him. Was it really so obvious? So obvious that she was too blinded to see it written over the whole relationship. Wrecked.
She let out a sigh as strings of tears begin to flow. A new year without the perfect kiss from the perfect him. She wipes away the tears and places the cup of hot cocoa on the coffee table as she walked into the empty room they once share. Closet that’s half empty greets her as she opens it. She climbed into the empty space and sat with her legs wrap close to her chest, building a protection wall to prevent her from crying. But she knew too well the loneliness that creeps into her heart the moment she climbed in. The smell of his newly ironed shirts and pants. The smell of his Calvin Klein cologne.
Trying to stop the piercing at the back of her eyes, trying to hold onto her heart so it wouldn’t break, trying to stop thinking about what he said.
“You were never there. In your eyes, there’s only your work and I was always second. When do I ever come first? She’s different. She loves me and so do I.” He said.
“I love you too” she said.
“But not as much you love your job” he said.
“Do you see the disappointment drawn on my face? Do you hear my heart breaking every single time you walked out on me because duty calls?” he asked. She remained silent.
“No. But she does. And she fills the loneliness of me” he continued.
“I’m sorry it had to end this way. Goodbye”
His last words ring in her head. Like a wakeup call, his words called upon her. But she couldn’t do anything now to fix the broken pieces. Maybe next time, maybe she’ll be more of a lover to a much worthy guy than just a roommate. Maybe next time, maybe she’ll be more conscious about her surroundings than drown herself in work. Maybe next time, maybe she’ll see the smile and passion on one’s eyes looking at her like how she did towards him. And maybe next time, maybe she’ll be a more worthy woman to love.
For now, let her mourn in her little own world as other couples kiss under the shower of fireworks and make love promises. For time will heal. As a new year brings a new beginning of another chapter of life.
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