Will you be there when the first snow fall? Will you be there when I’m awake? Will you be there when we crude? Will you... still be there when I push you away?
The fact that I was too dependable on you, made me the girl I am today.
The girl who cried over little things hoping you’ll realized what you’d done. The girl who fuss over little things just to have reassurance. The girl who sulk over little things that you didn’t do. But I still thank you for the memories you left.
Last Christmas, I was sitting patiently at the dining table, waiting for you to come home for dinner. It was Christmas Eve! A tradition we had every Christmas. But as time slowly passes by, the tight grip on my heart gets tighter. I was worries and crushed at the same time. When you walked in, I rushed to the door, you smiled. “It’s cold” you shivered. I wondered if you notice how upset I was. But I guess not when you walked across me, threw the briefcase on the sofa and moved towards the dining table. Sat down and had your dinner like it was meant to be. Just like any other dinner in any other day. I sat opposite him, trying to keep my cool and asked “was it that busy in the office?”, he just nodded as he started stuffing his face. I forced a smile and said “Merry Christmas!” He ignored me as if he hadn’t heard a word I said. I place my fork and knife down and stormed off. Slamming the door as I walked into our room. You didn’t bother to check out what made me mad or apologize. Instead, you finished up your dinner and watched television after.
It’s the little things that I still cherished; it’s the things you find it meant to be. It’s the little hope I hold on to, is the hope you took for granted.
This Christmas, I am sitting patiently at the dining table as he serves my favourite cream spaghetti with bacon and poured a glass of our favourite 1990 red wine. I look dreamingly into his eyes, a slight pinch in my heart hoping he was you. He walk over to my side, held up my chin, meeting my eyes and said, “Merry Christmas, love” and kissed my forehead. Knowing I think of you occasionally when I space out but he hugged me tightly assuring me that he’s there for me, he’ll love me unconditionally. Just the way I like it. As the song sang, Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day, you gave it away, This year to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special”
He’s the guy who I am sure will be the special someone. I still cry over little things, fuss over them and sulk over it but he’ll always put up with all that and turn that frown into a smile. “Merry Christmas to you too, love” I smiled.
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It's no good, but still... MERRY CHRISTMAS! ^^
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