Dear love,
How are you? Have you been thinking about me? I have.
Walking on the streets of Serangoon, having your favourite fish slice soup noodles, and thinking about the good times we had together. I missed you, I missed us. Memories that filled me in more ways than I cannot imagine. Like a movie I watched over hundreds, no thousands of times again but they never failed to make me cry a river every single time. Unlike The Notebook, we did not grow old together. Unlike The Wedding, we did not celebrate a mundane wedding anniversary. Unlike P.S. I Love You, you weren't there when I needed you the most.
I chose to leave before you do, so I wouldn't have to see your back and suppressing the urge to hug you, hold onto you. I chose to leave before you do, because I knew you wouldn't felt the way I did. I chose to leave before you do, so you wouldn't remember me in tears as you left. I chose to leave before you do so you'll remember my smile.
I always tell myself that I am alright, that I am strong. I always thought I am okay as long as I smile, always thought it's okay even if we met. But the other day when I saw you at the mall holding her hands, the same eyes that looked at me is now looking at someone else's, the same lips that had touched mine is now touching someone else's, unknowingly my tears fell and I knew I wasn't alright. Little did I know that you were deeply pushed into a corner of my heart where I keep all my greatest fears.
Seeing you smile, seeing you happy had left reality knocked me hard in the head that you were better off without me. However, I was left with a baggage filled with fears, doubts, mistrust, anger, and sadness. I hope one day someone will take enough effort and love to unpack this baggage.
Love,
My heart.
