Compulsive Buying Disorder

Compulsive buying disorder (CBD) is characterized by an obsession with shopping and buying behavior that causes adverse consequences. (Wikipedia, December 2013)

I'm not too proud about admitting it but at the same time I am proud to. Don't get me wrong that I enjoyed the whole shopping experience but I'm proud to say that I've been using my hard earned money to do the guilt shopping. I told my bf about it and he has not been very helpful with the advise cause he, like I am is pretty cheapo people when it comes to ourselves but would splurge on people we love and care about.

"You like? Just buy lah" (quote from him) =.= not very helpful loh! Make me want to buy more. 

I love shopping and I especially LOVE online shopping. As a child, I never had the luxury as my friends do of going on numerous shopping spree with their parents. I am only entitled to buy clothes during Chinese New Year and it will always be 3 sets of clothing to fill up the first 3 days of the auspicious celebration where we go house visiting. That's it! I may probably get more if I asked but I never thought that it was necessary or had the urge to want more. And being the cheapo that I am, I save up every year to about RM250 from my pocket money and used that money for the clothings instead of asking my parents for money, though they did insists on paying but I didn't want them to. I guess you can say that was my first monetary budgeting lesson. So, now with the money that I am earning, I feel more at ease about going shopping and buying more clothes (though I never really needed them). 

Now that I am working and earning on my own, I dare more hated the fact of asking my parents for money and spending it unnecessarily. I did ask for a loan for my last trip to Japan to which my mum gladly would GIVE the money to me but I managed to saved up enough with daily sandwiches and water to fund my trip. I didn't want anyone especially my relatives to think I am experiencing 'luxury' with my parents' money and spoiling me. It was my way of throwing all the bad comments they said as I was growing up back into their face.

Back to my disorder, I get super excited looking at clothes and compiling on lists of what to buy next. Yup! I do them. I am that kind of person that cares more on quantity than quality. So the cheapo side of me gives me the 'privilege' to buy more at a cheaper price! Like Budget Barbie, I buy clothes ranging from RM10 - RM30 [at most per piece]. If there are clothes that I don't like or couldn't fit after receiving them, I would give it to my cousins or donate them. Mind you, they are new clothes that I only tried on once. Then again, it's nothing to be proud of. If I were to NOT shop, I probably can put in more to my piggy bank. 

So as a conclusion, NO. I don't condone you to be a shopping freak like I am. 

Hard To Please Everyone

I came to face great mountains of challengers as I meet more people and as people I used to think I know are changing. I met clients who are fickle minded, confused on what they want/need, can never have the courtesy of reading emails I've sent, cannot coordinate with his own team and demanding ones. But I guess that wasn't as bad as to realizing I am still the same person I am back 10 years ago as I see friends around me change into a person I barely know.

As friends starts putting on make up, I am still working on my flaws. As friends starts chasing luxury and fame, I am still chasing for freedom. As friends starts to think they are better than who they were, I am still standing on the edge of curiosity and soul searching. As friends starts comparing their goods and deeds, I am still thankful for what I had achieved. As friends starts shining like a diamond, I am still a speck of dust. 

Many of you may encourage me for the change and be just like how my friends are. I can and already am. When friends who think they know me, I myself am changing as well. I acquire new knowledge, started working on my pet projects, meeting new great inspiring people and learning of a long journey to empathize others; but they may not see me as what I am. I have changed over the course of years but not physically, just mentally.

You may think I am a know-it-all, a stubborn, and an unconfident person. Do know that I get my facts checked before saying out loud than listen to what your friends tell you, do know that I stand for what I believe in than blinding following what others have to say, and I'm tired to speak my mind when all you do is turn me down for you oh-so-much-better suggestions. I understand how meeting different people in life makes you change the way you look at yourself. I understand how speaking with different people in life changes the way you want to be. When you think that I am still standing where I was 10 years ago, I had move forward with the better good. To be strict on decisions but courteous, be strong but polite, and not to let anyone walk over you.

From you peeps, I do learn as well that it's best to not say anything at all and only speak to suggest a solution and finalize a decision.

Thank you for being the best friends of all times and a learning platform for me.