Home for Good

My love is finally home for good after being away from it for 4 years and more. We've been in LDR from the start thus, 'the wait' had been the only thing I knew. Waiting for him to come back home during any festive seasons and waiting for my trips to go over to Singapore just to be with him and waiting for the best lovable moment to happen. 'The wait' was everything for us. At least to me it is nothing more important than that.

The usual ring on my MSN for a video call, the ringtone to my former Sony Ericsson to my now newly iPhone ringtone, the ringtone of Viber that cannot be changed which gave me a slight irritation when it's not mine but others, those were the other kind of waits to keep him and I connected. Though words may fall short at times, but I missed and appreciate it nevertheless. I dear to hear his voice on the other side of the receiver. It made me smile. Especially when I'm having a bad day. His call was all I need to turn that frown upside down.

We had our good times and also the bad times. But through it all, it made both of us grow, at least it did to me. I cried and whined and I wished he was there to hold me close and tell me 'Everything is going to be ok between us'. I was heart broken and was at the end of the cliff but that pull of love brought me back into his loving arms. The lessons groomed me to be a better person, a better girlfriend, a better supporter, a better friend and a better listener. I cannot deny that I am still on the brink but I am taking on step at a time to walk away from insecurities and into the greater forgiveness and appreciation of his past.

Now that he's home, I wish that the assurance in me will grow and the doubt will lessen. I do not expect much from him, just knowing that he's there mentally for me, is more than enough.

I'm glad that he's home =)

Am I The One To Blame?

She stood there in the rain, under the bus stop. Her skin shivers at every drop of pearl water. The gusting wind was to no help of the weather. As she stood there, the rain got heavier, the wind gone crazier, the sun no where to be found. She doesn't know for how long will she be standing there or for how long will the weather continue to her dismay, she just know how she stood there waiting. Do not know what she's waiting for, but she will know when it comes. Rain slowly soaked her clothes, clumping them over her skin. On that cold rainy day, she had no one to hold on to.

It was a summer breeze as she decided to take a walk under the sun. Not too hot, but just nice as the bright sky shimmers on her face. The warm delicate feeling, she liked it. With no direction, she just followed the road up ahead and walked for she knew something will be waiting for her up ahead. And when the time comes, when her walk comes to an end, she will know it is worth. Several times, she looked back and thought to herself if this never ending walk is worth it. She doubted not her goal but her capability of making it to the end. She took a step back, maybe just maybe the walk back will give her a nicer road. To what she had not imagine, dark clouds starts to come together and the rain starts to pour, slowly the wind join the fiesta of disaster.

Spotting a bus stop, she took shelter, for she do not know if she wants to continue looking back or moving back ahead. For many times had she been showered with disapproval upon looking back. But for how many times had she been showered with joy when she look ahead? Is the road up ahead really greener? Is the road really worth walking? Or should she just stop now and walk back home?

Somewhere Like This

WongFu released a new short today. It's about a couple who meets again after being separated after so long because the girl is going off for her studies. It's about finding the feeling that was once lost/ slowly faded away/ forgotten.

Recently, love and I had been meeting quite often, once a month. Some of you may think that how can once a month be classified as 'often'. Well, for the past two years of our relationship, we've only been meeting once every three/four months. Seeing how clingy I can get these couple of months, I wondered how did I ever get through 2 whole years by just meeting occasionally. But the feeling that I get every time we meet, it's something I can never be able to describe. The joy, the butterflies, the fluttering hearts, all that, it's something I can never forget. I asked love how did we survived not meeting each other after so many months for the past years when we now couldn't be away from one another. He said that we had love each other more through out the years so now, we couldn't bare being away from the other. I smiled.

I couldn't imagine myself when love is back for good.

My friends seems admire my patience of being away from the one we love for so long and sometimes, not talking with him for days. I guess you can say that it's a habit? Well, I don't deny that at times I longed to be in his arms but when I know that I can't, I try to fill myself with activities of my own. Watching dramas, reading novels and going out with my friends. It keeps me going, a  way of not loosing myself by still having 'me time'. Love gets his by going out drinking with his friends, so do I. I used to wait every single day for his call or for him to start video calling me on MSN. When I realised that I slowly losing myself from society, I started going out again with my friends. Now, I guess I wait less and love myself more in a way.

However, I thank my friends a lot for being there for me. I know that I am not the nicest friend you have but I appreciate every thing that you do for me. <3 div="">

I love you *muacks* 

Somewhere Like This

Working Life

Started work right after returning, people ask why I am in such a rush to get a job?

Well it's a competition every where you go. So I want to secure myself with a job first then slowly discover what the world has to offer.

Just started working in a small engineering firm. I am lonely and stressed because of this job, but I cannot deny that I learnt quite a lot in these few months.

I helped my boss set up the Penang branch company, started designing and creating website. Can not get any crazier. I know nothing about designing, what more creating a website! I was pushed to the edge because I am not familiar with designing. I finally gave in and called up a couple of friends to help me with it.

I am never more grateful when I started class with them. They are an eye opener! They took time out of their busy schedule to help teach me. They made my job so much easier! I struggled for one month to create a very simple design and do the linking!! 

I feel upset because my boss doesn't seem to understand when I say I am not from a designing and IT background and I have to learn everything from scratch! I know that I am rather slow but I have to go through videos after videos and reading after reading!! And to know all the codes to create the website is even worse! When I told my boss that I couldn't finish my work in time, he doesn't seem happy. 

He ask the IT guy to assist me, how is this helping when he ask me to create everything again using Photoshop, that I have to learn from scratch again!

I was challenged to the edge and finally made that phone call to ask some friends to help me. And, they really helped me lots! Encouragement from friends and love is the only thing that kept me going on this long.

When I finally send in my designs and work, I am never more proud of myself. Though they ask for a whole lot of changes, I just did. I feel more relieve that I manage to perform in my work.

After everything is done, I reflected on myself and found out that I complain too much and work too little. I am going to learn perseverance and patience to help make me a better and stronger person. 

Thank you for all the love and support =)

Summary of 2012

2012 seemed like a hell of a ride. The ups and downs, the challenges and thrills and definitely, another test from God.

1) Meeting love's parents was nerves!! All butterflies... The exact emotions that I felt before sitting for an exam, the exact emotions that I felt when we first went on a date

2) Meeting YouTube stars that had brought me and love together! WONG FU 4 LYFE!! Not to mention me got hugs from two hotties, Philip Wang and Wesley Chan, though Ted Fu wasn't there, this gave me a good reason to go meet them again in their next Asia Tour! <3 p="p">
3) Getting into one of the biggest fight with love that left a deep ugly scar but I'm glad we both gave each other a second chance. Through this as well, I finally burst. I had never pour feelings into words before and after this, it made me so. Either I change from bad to worst or bad to good, you decide *wink*

4) Going to Singapore for a number of time! Finally got permission to go Singapore alone to meet love! He brought me to places and created memories that will forever be embedded in my heart.

5) Going to Perhentian Island with love and his friends. My first beach holiday!! I am no swimmer but had also wanted a beach holiday! Ironic right? But seriously couldn't care less because I got to go with love! Had my first snorkeling session with love guiding me in his 'home', the sea. Though he got ill during the trip, I'm still happy that I went with him.

6) Saying hello with the land of sexy accent, Britain! Was there for my 3months summer degree program. I am thankful for the opportunity given and the experience was beyond words. I've been lonely, never had trouble with it until I was in Sheffield. Probably the home sick part kicked in, I got miserable. I depended a lot on love because friends were busy with their own stuff. This experience taught me a lot and showed me who my real friends are. Vayshna and PhaikIm showered me with all the love they can give and I can never ask for more. When I was down, they were there for me. Met a bunch of new friends and for the first time, spent most of my time in the library! It was an awesome library experience because Malaysia uni, doesn't provide me so =( Slowly, the feeling of loneliness doesn't feel so bad after getting the hang of the place.

7) First birthday abroad! Without friends and family, it was dull. Having love singing me Happy Birthday, I cried because I really wished he was here and he was the only one who sang me birthday song that day. Then, receiving great love from Vayshna all the way from Penang, really made me teared. Was having a tough time and her card really cheered me up.

8) Exploring places I have never thought of going. Been to Lisbon, Barcelona, Santorini, Athens, Rome, Pisa, Venice, Zurich, Berlin, Paris and London., Got into a big fight with fellow backpackers and our relationship turned sour. I cannot say that it was a great holiday, but I can say it was a great experience. I still wish to go back to these beautiful places one day with love. Because nothing is ever enough.

9) Finding a job. Been on job hunting even from the start of my Europe trip. Landed on a job that I was skeptical about. But my friends and love have been encouraging me and I was happy to have landed on this job.

2012 had put a test on my relationship with friends and love, it was tough but I'm glad I made it through with family. I hope 2013 will bring me wisdom and more learning experience, to be a stronger individual and achieving more.

Thank you, 2012

너를 실망해서 미안 해요, 너를 상처해서 미안 해요, 내 사랑

Because our happy and good times keep passing me by,

Because I feel like I will regret this till I die,
I have something to tell you right now

I still love you, I love you
Though I don’t know anything else, I know I want you

My tears are not stopping
I know I shouldn’t cry already but why do I keep crying?
My heart toward you acts however it wants
So it keeps sending me to you

I still love you, I love you
Though I don’t know anything else, I know I want you

Missing You

I see you
The one person in my heart I see you, who I longed for so much
Even if the tip of my heart hurts like this
Even if the tip of my hands tremble like this I can only think of you
The person I miss like crazy
The words I want to hear from you like crazy I love you, I love you - where are you?
The person I long for, who is deeply stuck in my heart
Please tell me that you cherish me
Please don't blankly erase me
Because you're my everything
Those hands that softly touched me
That warm smile toward me
The love that made even tears so beautiful
My heart is still the same I love you... I love you

I've stopped looking for boyfriend material kind of guy

Cause I've found the husband material kind of guy

I sincerely hoped you are the one for me